Arrogant Jerk

I was reasonably appalled today to learn that the police in my town, Orem, Utah, arrested a 70 year old woman for not watering her lawn.

What’s more, she was assaulted, handcuffed, and spent a couple hours in jail. Really.

Let’s review some facts as reported by my local news:

• Betty Perry is a frail widow who has done nothing in more than 70 years to cross the law. How many of us can say that?
• Betty, admittedly, hasn’t watered her lawn for a while. Apparently this ‘could’ be construed as a violation of our local nuisance ordinance against neglected yards. Bare in mind that the humble community of Orem exists in a high desert region susceptible to draught, and that we are often placed under watering restrictions that prohibit us from watering our lawns. Under penalty of law, by the way.
• An unnamed Arrogant Jerk Orem Officer decided to award her with a ticket for not watering her lawn in our drought-stricken community, apparently offended by the brownness of her lawn. Please take notice that our state is currently suffering the most severe firestorm ever recorded, with water in short supply and almost every natural environment exhibiting a crispy brown color.
• When said Arrogant Jerk Orem Officer asked for her name, the terrified elderly woman retreated into her home to contact her son about what she should do. She was frightened, and wanted to gain some clarity on what to do from a familiar and trusted source.
• Our man, the Arrogant Jerk Officer, apparently deemed this behavior aggressive and confrontational, and opted to force the woman to the ground and handcuff her. In the process he smashed the woman’s face on her door and front steps, relieving her of enough blood to have stained her shirt and spotted up her sidewalk.
• Next, in an apparent move to squelch this dangerous criminal threat, the Arrogant Jerk Officer threw Betty into the clink and booked her.
• 70 year old Betty Perry remained in an isolated jail cell for a couple of hours, until reasonable officers got word of the story and had a ‘what the hell did we just do?’ moment.
• Betty was freed, and apparently apologized to. I hope the apology is accompanied by a check in the amount of whatever it takes to buy Betty some Astroturf.
• The offending Arrogant Jerk Officer was given paid administrative leave. Do you think they’ll give me the day off with pay the next time I beat the hell out of an old lady? Give me a break; I say we cuff that Arrogant Jerk and let Betty enact some ‘keep your nose out of my business’ with a tire iron.

Wow. I can’t believe it, either. Well, actually I can; cops seem to do this sort of stuff often, and it is always unbelievable.

I was thinking about writing this up from the moment I heard the story. I actually committed to writing it as I drove home this evening and passed a new business at the entrance to my neighborhood; it is a hideous eyesore that deserves to be mentioned because it is exemplary of a greater problem we have here in Orem; Ugly Businesses. This new place literally has tens of used vacuums chained together around the circumference of their parking lot. Yeah; that’ll raise my property value. Betty’s dead lawn doesn’t hold a candle to this ugliness.

Why is this relevant? Here you go: While Mr. Arrogant Jerk Officer was roughing up the frail old lady down the block for not keeping her yard to standard, there are a hundred-and-one ugly businesses strewn across my town, polluting one of the most beautiful vista’s on our planet with yellow and purple paint jobs, ugly vinyl signage, and parking lots full of used vacuum cleaners.

This is a serious problem, and our local law enforcement apparently cannot see the forest for the trees. My town is growing uglier by the minute, and the police are roughing up old ladies instead of protecting, serving, and cleaning up the real offenders; ugly businesses.

The Orem Police Department: What a bunch of Arrogant Jerks.

UPDATE: This story has now been upgraded to the national interest. Look Here to see the front page story on www.foxnews.com, and check out The Drudge Report, where the story was featured on Matt’s news page.

I was reminded this weekend of how it was to be 17. At the time I was certain I knew everything and that the rules were for everyone else. I was bulletproof, and often imagined myself with super powers of strength and intellect. The older folks were just ‘getting in the way and slowing things down’. I was a Young and Stupid Arrogant Jerk.

I still think the same way about the rules, but I am now fully aware that there are things I know, things I don’t know, and things I don’t even know that I don’t know. I am sure that, at some level, this indicates my maturity. I am also fairly certain that by this time next year I will look back upon this point and reflect of how naive I was, as I always do, during times of reflection.

This last Friday night, as I walked away from a neighbor’s house where my two young children were playing, a van came screaming into my cul-de-sac. One of those old panel vans that were popular in the 1970s. For the record, it was gray. The driver was fairly young (I am guessing 17-ish), male, and unfamiliar to me. I watched as he sped past me, going obviously fast for an inner neighborhood, and much too fast for a road that was about to end in a very tight u-turn.

My concern grew as he swirled around without so much as a tap on the breaks, whipped past several young children out playing in the street, and headed toward me. I checked to make sure that my children were well out of the way, and scooted across the street toward safety. As I did, I gave a friendly double-palms-down international sign for ‘slow it down a little’.

And that’s when it happened; Young and Stupid Arrogant Jerk reared his naive and careless little head.

With his window already rolled down, he lifted what appeared to be a casted left hand in an apparent attempt to flip me off and shouted ‘Speed limit is 25!’ He then slammed down on the accelerator and peeled around the corner and on his way in a brazen display of carelessness among a neighborhood literally teeming with children.

As I heard his engine strain through my neighborhood and out of my site, my 40-something mind reverted to my teenage super powers and I flew after him, reached into his open window, grabbed his pencil neck and slammed him to the ground. All the while explaining in no uncertain terms that I don’t appreciate him putting my children’s life in danger, and that the reason we moved to a cul-de-sac buried deep inside a quiet neighborhood full of children was to avoid Young and Stupid Arrogant Jerks like him.

I also imagined a couple of lessons I could teach him involving his good arm and a few tricks that even Jack Bauer wouldn’t do unless the cameras weren’t rolling.

Stay out of my neighborhood you Young and Stupid Arrogant Jerk. Grow some respect for others and get a grip on the fact that one small slip could turn your speeding van into an accident that no one wants to see happen.

Al Sharpton makes the list this week as the guy who, only weeks ago, ran Don Imus up the flagpole for calling a the Rutgers University women’s basketball team ‘nappy headed hos’. To be sure, Sharpton is not an Arrogant Jerk for calling Imus on the carpet; rather he makes my list only these few weeks later for knocking presidential candidate Mitt Romney for being a Mormon.

More specifically for attempting to make Romney look like less of a believer by stating ‘As for the one Mormon running for office, those who really believe in God will defeat him anyways, so don’t worry about that; that’s a temporary situation.’

‘…those who really believe in God’? Mitt doesn’t really believe? Is Sharpton somehow aware that Mitt has been faking it all this time? How can you tell? Perhaps Sharpton just wanted to point out that Mormons don’t really believe in God, you know, the way all those Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, Hare Krishna’s, Born Again’s, and Buddhists do. Is Sharpton saying that among the plethora of choices out there, that Mormonism is to be held up to the light as the single option unworthy of real belief? Oh my, that is Arrogant.

And by the way: Sharpton is the exemplary of believerdom? Lord help us if this be the case; I cannot recall a single incident where I left the room feeling that Sharpton was genuine in any way. This guy worships his reflection in the camera lense, and nothing more. His sound bytes are more rehearsed than a bible-slinging evangelist. —Say Hallelujah!

Sharpton was quick to jump on Imus’ blunder. Nothing wrong with that; Imus spoke some nasty words and people certainly have the right to call him on his bad behavior. But wouldn’t a real reverend know that people who live in glass houses should not throw stones? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, the rest of us can stand back and watch Al Sharpton be the first to pick one up.

This is just another example of Al’s Arrogant Jerkiness in the form of a double standard: ‘don’t attack people for their personal stance, unless you are me.’

Get with the program you Arrogant Jerk, and show some respect for other cultures (even the white ones). Maybe that bandwagon shouldn’t have such an easy way to get on and off.

Don Imus was raked over the coals for another day today, and a recent announcement indicates that he has now been relieved of his radio career. Does he leave his post as an Arrogant Jerk? I must say: No.

Clearly the rules state that an Arrogant Jerk is someone who is unapologetic. Imus was actually quick to apologize, and even appeared to be reasonably humiliated while doing it. Unfortunately for him, this was the weak moment the wolves were looking for.

Don’t get me wrong here; I am not really an Imus fan. My Imus listening experience is a total accumulated 15-or-so minutes while channel surfing on the commute. Nevertheless; I was pretty shocked at the overwhelming response at his comment.

What he said was certainly offensive. No one can deny that. But let’s give the guy an ounce of credit for immediately facing the music and sincerely apologizing. He event walked into the lion’s den (Sharpton’s show) and took a beating without so much as a flinch.

I don’t mean, either, to paint this guy as an angel; certainly he has had his moments of Arrogance. But I think the punishment here is going well beyond expectation and the driving force is hard to nail down.

Is it because he is a conservative talk show host and is expected to stay above the name calling? Is it because the ‘left-wing’ media is pouncing on an injured meal? Could it be that this is a distraction orchestrated by Bush to veer our attention away from The Downward Spiral we used to call Iraq? I am sure someone thinks so.

Impressive, also, is the list of people pointing the finger. We can always count on Al Sharpton to jump in wherever he can. Never mind his record of verbal nonsense and race mongering. Jesse Jackson was so expected in this affair that people are hardly noticing him. He is such a fixture in racial disputes he has become like a wedding ring; you notice more when it is not there.

Does Imus deserve to loose his job and be burned at the stake for what he said? Sure, it was nasty, offensive, and terrible poor judgment. But it seems to be nothing worse than what I have heard from the likes of Snoop, Rosie, Tupac, Jesse, Bird, Maher (who was also tied to the stake, amazingly), Hendrie, Sharpton himself (he has offended white people, and either has no idea, or is an Arrogant Jerk—no need to guess out loud.), and Stern, who has caused even me to double take, and I am unoffendable.

This is a witch hunt perpetrated by a duplicitous croud of media hounds hell-bent on lighting the kindling without so much as a consideration. These guys have raised Imus’ awareness about three thousand fold. Imus has been fired for less than any rapper has sung on any random album, and will likely receive a record-breaking contract with satellite radio.

I am not wild about what he said, but then I don’t like a lot of what I hear on radio, TV, and print. That doesn’t mean we should call out the witch hunt, box in our rights just a little more, and throw stones from our own glass houses.

So I am sitting here late at night thinking that it has been a while since I wrote up an Arrogant Jerk. I was lamenting that there hasn’t been a really good Arrogant Jerk story in the news for a few weeks now. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could still be a candidate, but I am trying to noodle out how such an obvious political blunder could be perpetrated by a state that wants to be taken seriously.

Anyway; my Tivo clicks off ‘pause’ and switches to live TV, where Kevin Trudeau is pitching his latest book called The Weight Loss Cure ‘They’ Don’t Want You To Know About. Wow. I have read a lot about this guy, but now that I have seen him in action I am convinced he is a Conniving Arrogant Jerk.

Kevin Trudeau, as you may know, is the top-selling author of Natural Cures ‘They’ Don’t Want You To Know About. ‘Natural Cures’ which was banned from various locals as a dangerous tome of hyperbole and general bad advice (‘hey diabetics; stop taking that insulin!’) continues to fly off the shelves. Don’t people have the Internet?

Most interesting about ‘Natural Cures’ is that there is a blatant theme of ‘don’t trust those doctors’ because ‘they don’t want you to know about these natural cures’, after all; ‘they’re just in it for the money’. Yeah; I’ll tell you who’s in it for the money, and I have only been watching this guy’s infomercial for about two minutes.

I almost laughed outloud (I am alone) when he said in mock humility that he ‘didn’t invent this cure’, but rather he ‘found it’. He went on to say that what he has ‘found’ is a ‘cure’ for obesity (and here is the kicker…) ‘according to the doctors‘. He affirms that this ‘cure’ was developed by a British doctor, and that doctors all over the world are using it. For good measure he throws in that Hollywood stars have been using this, and later mentions that he has been interviewed by the likes of Matt Lauer over the find. Shiver me timbers.

Hey Kevin: Do you mean those doctors we are not supposed to trust?

I could go on all night, but to summarize; this infomercial is so chock full of deceit I wonder if a letter to the broadcasting company that is allowing this on the air would raise any eyebrows. It is literally a study in vague marketing tactics and red herring deception designed to fool the elderly and gullible among us (I am not suggesting that elderly equals gullible).

A moment ago he went so far as to reveal that McDonald’s puts sugar on their fries. Um; no. I worked at McDonald’s as a fry cook and never put sugar on the fries. And if you ever hear Trudeau claim that sugar is in the fries before it gets to the hot oil, guess again; I have seen first hand the potato-to-fry supply chain that McDonald’s uses and there is not a grain of sugar in the process.

Scare the people, sell a book.

He never quite gets to the point in his well crafted faux interview. All the while never actually dropping the names of countless stars and doctors that he assures us are behind his amazing cure. Apparently there really are millions of people out there who will buy anything because ‘someone said that someone else said that it worked.’ Again; wow.

Dear Kevin Trudeau, it only took me two minutes of your infomercial to convince me that you are a Conniving Arrogant Jerk. You will make lots of money preying on people who feel they are fat and ugly, and think that you are here to save them. You, sir, will have deposited their $30 long before they discover you are only trying to make a buck.

PS: If you feel you are fat and ugly, and want to loose weight, try my proven formula for getting back that girlish figure: Eat smart and get off the couch at least once a day. Works every time, but doesn’t sell any books.

As with Arrogant cohort Zaccarias Moussaoui, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed recently announced that he was responsible for nearly every major terrorist act in the last decade. Including 9/11 and the beheading of American journalist Daniel Pearl.

I was enraged. Not necessarily because of the atrocious acts themselves, but rather because this Arrogant Jerk thought it would be neat to publicly accept credit for them as if they were medals of honor. It is all I can do to keep my language clean in this post.

A personal slap in the face to every American, and a casual taunt to all freedom loving countries on the planet, Khalid is as brazen as they come, and deserves to receive punishment more severe than death. To mock the deaths of those killed on 9/11, and to claim that you personally cut the head off an innocent man requires a level of Arrogance I am not sure I am qualified to judge.

By the way; he probably was the one with the knife.

Nevertheless, reporters are already doubting that Khalid could have done all of the things he is taking credit for, and in Arrogant Jerk fassion, is no doubt exaggerating his role in almost everything he has admitted to.

Revel in your Arrogance, Khalid. You will soon be an example of Exaggerated Arrogance to the world.

I was personally appalled by the comments made recently by singer Harry Belafonte regarding Condoleezza Rice and her ethnicity. And I cannot believe that black people everywhere are not denouncing him as a Self Repressing Arrogant Jerk.

As I listened to the interview, I was reminded of an experience I had as a young boy in Florida. As I watched over a five-gallon bucket of crabs fighting each other to get out, I became worried that they might escape. I was assured that they wouldn’t by our friend and neighbor, Buzz Hendrickson, an experienced crabber.

Buzz explained that the crabs would keep each other in the bucket because as one would approach the top, the others would grab ahold and pull it back in before an escape could be made.

Mr. Belafonte seems bent on doing this to his fellow blacks, in a most Arrogant way.

He says in the interview that ‘Someone needs to remind her [Condoleezza Rice] that she is black’. Wow. And I thought all this time we were trying to forget about ‘color’ (though I personally feel that color should be celebrated). Mrs. Rice assures us that she certainly does not need to be reminded that she is black, and that she herself has felt plenty of resistance in her remarkable climb to the position of Secretary of State. She is no ‘house slave’, that is for sure. Though Harry would have you think so.

Harry also thinks Joint Chief of Staff Colin Powell is a house slave, and offers a somewhat confusing assessment of how some slaves were able to take advantage of their position ‘in the master’s house’. His point remains unclear to me, however I am left certain that Harry Belafonte is a Self Repressing Arrogant Jerk.

Perhaps being the ‘King of Calypso’ provides the authority to suppress other great black achievers.

If you are interested in listening to the interview, click here.