Arrogant Jerk

As I perform a little maintenance on the site, and get ready for a new round of observances, I am reminded that just prior to this year’s hurricane season, Brother Robertson announced that the Almighty Himself had revealed that a terrible storm would lash the coase of these Great American States.

If I weren’t such an Arrogant Jerk myself, I might muster the will to apologize for mistakenly declaring an unlikely stormless season as an “impossibility”. It seems we have made it through 2006 without so much as a scrape.

Corrected, but not humbled, I must wonder how our favorite Speaker-with-God is accepting his own mispoken prediction of national tragedy. Those who were frightened by his prophesy should be ashamed. Those who buy in to the idea that God wants to cause us trouble or punish us at large for percieved sins should take a look at the historic record and realize that storms, both large and small, have been prowling the Earth since before sins were defined.

Those quick to chastise the New Orleaners for sins-a-plenty as evidenced by God’s wrath; have a nice tall glass of water to help wash down that big glob of pious arrogance still hanging in your throat, before you choke on it.

Unfortunately, Pat’s reputation will not tarnish in the eyes of his sheep, despite the fallacy.

OK, I’m back, and I am compelled to write an update on a previous Arrogant Jerk at least one more time.

Cynthia McKinney, who just lost the Democratic primary in Georgia, is blaming everything but the kitchen sink for her poor performance at the polls. She lost 59 to 41; not a bad showing, but then again, not really much of a nail-biter.

McKinney, in prime Arrogance, is once again pulling the race card. She has officially joined the ranks of black political power mongers Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, who’s own double standards draw a clear line through their credibility. McKinney’s own body guards were recently caught on tape shouting anti-Jewish remarks to reporters immediately after the announcement of her demise. How is it that blacks like McKinney can claim to be victims of racism when race is such a central theme in their promotions?

It seems, too, that she is the victim of electronic voting (you know, that evil technology put in place by The Man). She says that electronic voting machines are not reliable. She seems to be afraid that The Man is going to secretly change the votes. Sure. I am sure she has the same apprehension about her microwave timer, her Palm Pilot, her telephone, and the navigation system on her automobile. Keep a close watch over your shoulder Mrs. McKinney; they can see you from everywhere!

Voting law and the rules established for voters also seem to have played a role in her loss. According to her, the crossover voting, a rule that allows Republicans to vote in a Democrat race, and the rule that says candidates must receive over fifty percent of the vote to win, are to blame. Perhaps, but you can’t loose the soccer match and blame the ‘out-of-bounds’ rule; you know it going in, and you accept the rules before you play.

For those of you who are not familiar with our way of life; it takes a pretty high degree of Arrogance to be able to overlook the fact that your own personal tirades, poor performance, and general lack of professionalism are to blame for your political failures.

Well done Mrs. McKinney; you’re such an Arrogant Jerk that you can’t see that the voters in your community simply don’t want you and your antics to represent them any more.

I decided today to take a little diversion and tell you about a guy I saw at my local convenience store. What an Arrogant Jerk.

This guy was smoking outside as he talked to one of the store employees. She was likely taking a break. He appeared to be a friend or something.

Now don’t get me wrong; smoking was not his crime. Really now, if you want to suck filtered tar into your lungs that is your business. And in my opinion those “Truth” commercials are only telling you the half they think will scare you. I don’t smoke but think its fine for you. Anyway…

This guy lights up while I am rummaging in my car for some spare change when something grabs his attention and he feels the need to head into the store. In a single motion that would make young Obi-Wan Kenobi jealous, he reaches up, grabs the lit cigarette from his lips, and swings it down to his side, letting go at just the right moment to make me think that he couldn’t have planned a better release. The cigarette, in all its still-burning glory, went flying backwards into the parking lot and rolled to a smoldering stop.

Littering has been one of my pet peeves since those Indian commercials I grew up with during the early ‘70s. I decided at an early age that with at least a couple million years of evolution behind us, we ought to at least have progressed to a point at which we all agree there is a certain place to throw our Styrofoam clamshells, empty bottles, and yes; even finished cigarettes. Kind of like the rules for using a toilet; we all agree we should, and for obvious reasons.

The guy didn’t even have the decency to stomp it out. I live in an arid mountain region and this was a gas station for heaven’s sake.

And judging by the number of cigarette butts I saw lying around the store parking lot, I can assume that smokers in general have a problem with the basic rules of decency. I am guessing that smokers would feel a little less picked on if they could find a way to join the rest of us at the top end of the chain where throwing your trash wherever you happen to be when you are through with it is socially unacceptable. That Indian shed his tear over thirty years ago. You’d think even smokers would have caught on by now.

So this is my note for the day, and my plea to the Littering Smoker at the convenience store ‘down the corner’: Find a better place to put your trash, you Arrogant Jerk.

Lively televangelist Pat Robertson had something interesting to say during his 700 Club broadcast on May 8th. It was then that he announced to the world, or at least his followers, that God had spoken to him. Again.

And what did ‘He’ have to say? Apparently we are being warned of impending doom and gloom: Robertson said “If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms”

Um,… Really? Is this a threat?

This kind of blatant God-wielding is precisely why Robertson hereby gets the nod as today’s Arrogant Jerk in my ongoing, albeit random, effort to round up my like-kinded terrestrials.

Lets begin with this one; do I understand correctly that he is ‘unsure’ whether he heard God right? Was he just not listening as closely as he should when the Creator of All Things™ was whispering in his ear? Or is he leaving himself a big giant escape hatch for when, perhaps, the Storms-a-Lashing don’t materialize? Either option makes me wonder how he has been able pull the wool over so many eyes for so long. That is quite a trick. And a lucrative one, at that.

As if to really tap into the fear generated in all of us as we watched that wave take over the beachhead on December 26, 2004, Robertson threw in these words two days later for good measure: “…there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest.”

What an Arrogant Jerk.

Why would God warn us about something that is generally commonplace? As a young boy in Florida roughly 40 years ago I am pretty sure “hurricane” was among my first understood words. And according to the almanac, storms have been hitting these Great American States from all sides for longer than we have been counting. What is so special about this revelation? Nothing, and Robertson is an Arrogant Jerk for saying so.

“…in 2006”. Oh, so Pat; you may not have been listening very well when God was instructing you on our demise, but you are pretty sure it was going to be ‘this year’? In the unlikely, no, the impossible scenario that we get to the end of 2006 without any storms at our shores, I am pretty sure Robertson would recall that it must have been ‘another’ year. He really wasn’t listening, after all.

Spoiler Warning: Pat Robertson is using the idea of ‘God’ as his personal floatation device to make you think he is above you.

Predicting that a terrible storm will occur in the U.S. in the next year is about as difficult as hitting the ground with a lawn dart. Try not to; I dare you. Claiming ‘God’ revealed this information is to assume that those listening are as gullible as a dodo. Probably.

I am hereby upgrading Pat to ‘Pious Arrogant Jerk’.

Amen.

Zaccarias Moussaoui was sentenced to life in prison today. That sent up a riot of commentary on every talk show from New York to San Francisco. It sounds like everyone and their dog wanted this guy to get death. What he did and what he should get for it will no doubt be the topic of discussion for conservative hosts for years to come. One thing is for sure; he’s an Arrogant Jerk.

As a casual follower of Moussaoui’s trial, I often wondered if he was really as involved as he oft times claimed to be. The guy didn’t seem to be that smart to me. Not that it takes an abundance of cognitive muscle power to drive a plane full of innocent people into the nearest icon of freedom. But you would think that a guy involved in the international planning of a high impact event like 9-11 would at least have a stern directive, no matter how off the mark.

Through the course of the trial, Moussaoui demonstrated a schizophrenic mental posture that had him denying at one point, and then bragging at another. He was radically careless with his own defense, and seemed to use the opportunity at every moment to thumb his nose at The System, The Man, and the American people. What qualifies him as an Arrogant Jerk is not the act for which he was convicted, but rather his continued taunting in the face of cowardice and disgrace.

His final words after the verdict were “America, you lost. I won.” Sorry buddy; unless they lead you out the back door and took you to the nearest Ruth’s Chris for a medium-rare fillet, I’d have to say you lost. Big time. Of course I could have it all wrong; maybe you really do consider ‘winning’ to be locked up in a room the size of a dog run, living in fear of being let out to play in the yard with those aging Viet Nam vets who are just itching for an opportunity to prove their heartfelt love for the country they fought for. I’m betting Moussaoui either lives a long and miserable life of solitary confinement, or is shanked in the yard within a month.

Nevertheless, his arrogance outshined his stupidity both in the courtroom and in the recollection of his previous acts. He probably made a lot of it up just to get people angry. No doubt he angered his attorney, Edward MacMahon, who stated at one point that “I haven’t spoken to Mr. Moussaoui for a long time, and that’s just fine with me.” I personally couldn’t stand his antics, more because they were so stupid than arrogant, really.

Moussaoui, welcome to my personal blog; you are a Stupid Arrogant Jerk.

Enjoy your closet, and keep one eye open during prayer time. …if you think it will help.